Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
