Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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