dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
