please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
