don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
