what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
