Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
