I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
