So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
