What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
