Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
