she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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