Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
