It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
