Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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