I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
