Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
