Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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