i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
