I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
