My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
