just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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