Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's like iHOP with fire
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
