I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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