She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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