this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
