you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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