The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
