meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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