I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
