i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
