are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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