I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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