if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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