I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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