why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
