He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
