hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
