She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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