i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
