Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
