look no pants
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dignity is for republicans.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
