just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
