Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
