Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
