You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
