It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
