Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
