guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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