Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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