How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
