hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
